Ordering Pizza in 2008

I got this in an email from a friend. Found it humorous and disturbing at the same time...enjoy
Operator:
"Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza. May I have your national ID number?"
Customer:
"Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator:
"I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer:
"My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, it's 6102049998-45-54610."
Operator:
"Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 MeadowlandDrive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@ home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer:
"Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator:
"We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer:
"The HSS, what is that?"
Operator:
"We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer:
(Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator:
"I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer:
"Whaddya mean?"
Operator:
"Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer:
"What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator:
"You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer:
"What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator:
"Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer:
"All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator:
"That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."
Customer:
"Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator:
"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer:
"I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator:
"That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn also.
Customer:
"Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator:
"We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes,sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer:
"Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
Operator:
"It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"
Customer:
Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator:
"I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer:
(Speechless)
Operator:
"Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer:
"Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
Operator:
"I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza!
  ¶ 11:07 AM

  Interpreting Life
Jhumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies is a well-written collection of stories that does a good job of introducing the reader to some aspects of the life of Indians and people of Indian descent. From the streets of Cambridge, MA to the dusty roadways of Konarak in India, we are introduced to several characters and look in on their lives as they struggle with something or other at various times. While reading the stories, I was struck by Ms. Lahiri’s remarkable ability to aptly describe a scene or talk about the range of emotions that her characters went through without explicitly stating them. Having been involved in the sciences where everything needs to be stated explicitly has led me to appreciate writers who allow things to gradually unfold and do not just abruptly shove things in your face. The perfect example of this is seen in the title story where we read about Mr. Kapasi, a taxi driver who serves as an interpreter for a doctor. Over the course of the story we are gradually shown the discomfort one of the characters, Mrs. Das, has with her life and how she wishes someone would explain everything to her and make things right. Ms. Lahiri could have come out and said Mrs. Das did not like her marriage or her life but she chose rather to let this show through the interaction between Mrs. Das, her children and her husband. This ability to let the story tell itself rather than forcefully tell the story is one of the qualities that make the stories in this book a worthwhile reading.
In the first story, Shoba and Shukumar have to endure five days where there would be no electricity for about an hour every day. For two people whose relationship was no longer as it was, the darkness that came with the power outage mirrored the darkness that existed in their life as a result of a still-born baby. The dark and gloom in this story is countered by some light-hearted accounts in other ones, especially in “This Blessed House,” which paints (to me, at least) a funny picture of a husband who is trying to set up a new house with a wife who is turning the house into an adventure travel game. Sanjeev and Twinkle, who are the main characters in this story, find several Christian things hidden around the house they are moving into. The interaction between Sanjeev – who vainly tries to instill some of his ‘properness’ and conservativeness into Twinkle – and Twinkle – who seems to find delight in all things improper – makes this one of the best stories in the book.
I came away from reading this book with some tools that I will try to incorporate into my writing. The most obvious will be what I have already stated above, which is to be more subtle when I try to get a point across. Also, in the readings, one gets a sense that Ms. Lahiri sees the people she writes about as more than mere characters in a book. We see a level of engagement with their lives and their well-being. Many writers tend to just worry about getting their story across without worrying about how their character feels or what an event of action does to the person they are writing about. By immersing herself into her characters experiences and lives, Lahiri manages to write a book that is in no way shallow or intended to end up on the shelves next to trashy paperback novels. She certainly has set a high standard for herself and other young up and coming writers and hopefully the standards will keep getting higher.
I would just like to say that my favorite story was the last one, “The Third and Final Continent.” This story about a student from India who moves to the USA and leaves all that he is familiar with behind is one that I am quite familiar with. The last few lines particularly struck me and here I have reproduced the last of them as I feel that is the best way to end this review:
...there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled,
each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in
which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times
when it is beyond my imagination.
  ¶ 11:31 AM

  Mountains in the South
After reading Victor Hernandez Cruz' piece, I came to the conclusion that he was lamenting over an issue that will not disappear and one that actually extends beyond the Americas. The issues he raises about Hispanic writers being lumped together by readers in the USA and his general critique of Americans did not move me by any significant amounts. I did identify with what he was talking about. I come from a place where we also have to deal with things like this all the time and, maybe, an even greater level of ignorance from non-Africans. African writers get the "if you have read one, you have read them all" treatment a lot of the time and I find this sad and perhaps so does Mr. Cruz when he writes about Hispanic writers. In a way, I do think that if you have read one you hae read them all as far as culture is concerned because let's face it culturally hispanics share a great deal in common as do Africans. I have met people from Southern African countries that are hundreds of miles from Ghana and instantly hit it off with them exchanging stories of how our lives are the same even though we grew up on virtually different sides of the world (Equator separates us :P) So culturally these authors will write about certain themes that are similar. The differences arise when you factor in politics and language. The way one set of authors will write will differ from another group and so on. A Ghanaian writer and a Tanzanian will write about the same thing and use different language to create different effects and perhaps have different meanings for people who read them from those countries. The shared cultures of these people will introduce a similar, and mostly, subtle theme in the works but we should not be fooled into dismissing the writers and throwing them into one big pot. It seems I feel strongly about this but actually I don't which is why I said I was not greatly moved by the reading. I believe it is up to the writers to get to the point where they can make their works leap out of the pot and say, "look at me, I am different! You can't throw me in with the others." This is hard to do. I have southern african words in my language now and my friends use Ghanaian words. It happens. Eventually, we will all get to the point where an American novel can be thrown into the pot with a Latin one and there will be no indigestion when you eat it. Sad but true. That's what you get in a village, and a global one is no different. Until that happens, go into that pot and read the different Hispanic authors out there and grab some African meat. You will see that they do look the same, even taste the same but they somehow do different things to your body and mind....

Currently Playing: usher -- U Got It Bad  ¶ 8:55 AM

  I go to blogger to make a new post and bam! what do I see? they have changed the way the layout of the page. I like this new look. It will take a while to get used to it though... :-)  ¶ 8:52 AM

  Here's my response to the piece from A Cyborg Manifesto by Donna Haraway: Huh?  ¶ 6:12 PM

  The Poeia
You know how hard it is to play with words? Especially when it's in a language you only speak when you need to? Yeah, that's me and logo: we don't get along. It has been quite difficult for me to explore this mode of intensification of language. I believe doing this will require me to have a better command of English and all it's nuances and what-nots. This is not the case. Once in a while some logo does show up in my work but it's hardly deliberate. I do try but it's rare. Melo (not Carmelo Anthony) is also a lil' difficult to achieve. Maybe because I am not musically (or artistically) inclined. I mean, I like listening to good music but that doesn't mean I will try to write in a musical way to bring out what I want to say. This requires an ear for music that I do not possess. So this leaves dear old phano, my man! Yes, phanopoeia is a man :P (Don't ask why) It's so easy to try to create an image with what you write. Look at it this way, if you are trying to describe something to someone, do you waste your time saying it in a way that demonstrates the connection between words? Do you even sing what you want to say? No! You try to use words that will help create an image for the person. I believe this to be the strongest of Pound's modes. The other two certainly have their use and place and in some ways can be used to do the work of phano but phano lends itself most to lots of writers. This is because everyone 'speaks' phanopoeia. Go out and find someone who can't read a poem and get what it says to save his life or someone who doesn't know any English words beyond what he's heard of Sesame Street. Now, try to unleash a text that employs either melo or logo on the person. See? Didn't work, did it? Now try to create an image to convey your meaning and in most cases, you will experience success. Now, I might be horribly wrong here but this just justifies my use of phanopoeia and also cos well....it's easier and I am lazy!

Currently Playing: Kanye West ft. Syleena Johnson -- All Falls Down (It is slope day after all :))  ¶ 5:49 PM

  Just want to say that I liked Alissa's performance of the poem she recited in class...  ¶ 5:44 PM